WATER CLOSET-GATE

Argentina it's time to cry for you. The terrible lightness of being of endemically corrupt politicians

 

By Sir Charlattam

If there is one thing you learn quickly once you are mixed up among Argentines it is their great smugness and conceit, a quality we Brits do not enjoy because of our character, origin and long history of doing and undoing at the expense of others. Yes, we repress our emotions, it is true, but we are not the type to show off.

I must be honest as perhaps I am unfairly going against all Argentines and reducing this epithet to the media and "opinion formers" who have their main media companies in the city of Buenos Aires. The sudden emergence of a scandal exposing political circles and showbiz in that not at all unknown to the MI5 boys and MI6 dogs world of dirty tricks, has been christened by some of these media slickers as "Water Gate", with a whiff of equating biscuits with dry crumbs.

In the state that Argentina is in and the quality of those who govern it and (excuse my sincerity), that of its opinion formers (splendid arse lickers of the British government), it is much more descriptive and just that it is a case of "Water Closet" as everyone with this discovery can go straight down the atmospheric drainpipe if justice delves into the matter.

Here again, let me also return to sarcasm, since the Argentinean justice system is the toilet paper of the governmental powers that temporarily pass through the Casa Rosada, so let's not even touch the subject.

When I opened my Newsletter and saw the first news about the dismantling of a network of "inorganics" who had been spying on all the famous politicians, journalists and artists of this country, I said to myself "Is that news over there?" Perhaps I was not grasping the dimension of the news, so I got in touch with my best source in Buenos Aires, who (believe it or not) is still inside one of the government buildings, collecting his salary and without having been discovered yet.

As soon as we began our chat, my source pointed out that "espionage matters here are not about counterintelligence, trafficking in top secret information, weapons, special operations or any of that sort; it's all about the beds and asses of the targets". I certainly couldn't contain my laughter. And I'm not saying that this isn't done over here by the MI5 yokels, who even have their contacts in the underworld with whom they traffic all sorts of drugs, sophisticated prostitutes and weapons to finance safe houses for "friendly" terrorists who hate our enemies. But Argentine colleagues are way below the basics.

Perhaps there is nothing to care for in that country. In reality everything that makes for a real state there no longer exists. The very twisted case of the murder of prosecutor Alberto Nisman in February 2015 could not have happened without the AFI looking the other way. It is incredible how the media on both sides have tried to establish theories aimed more at covering up than solving the matter.

As far as security and defence is concerned, we already know. Their weapons are so old and obsolete that it is to the advantage of the Foreign Office to keep using them to blow their own heads off. Their secrets What? There are no plans or ideas about any development that threatens anyone. On top of that, not a single movement of their "boy scouts" that the military intelligence from Mount Pleasant or our listening stations in Punta Arenas, Chile have not noticed and if they have kept any in a drawer in their Casa Rosada, we have surely already bought some third rate employee for a few pounds a month to give them into the hands of some courier who goes straight to the embassy.

Besides, I haven't had anything new for breakfast about something similar since what happened with the "ARA San Juan". It was not necessary then for the Royal Navy's military intelligence or even MI6 to lift a finger to get the Argentine government to cover the ass of the Task Force operating at the time alongside the Americans and Chileans. The General Staff in Whitehall had its arse in two hands as they were not sure they could handle the situation, especially when the Russians started to show up.

As was to be expected in the Foreign Office, Mauricio Macri and his people responded unceremoniously and would take the risks to keep everything under cover. His sympathies and contacts with the CIA and Mossad made him reliable. He acted accordingly and to calm anxiety in London he got down to work. He ordered the phones of all the crew's relatives to be illegally infected and this was thanks to technology provided and of course in a very limited way by Israeli advisers.

Unsurprisingly, "justice" covered it all up and freed Macri and his people from any further investigation.

The so-called AFI is nothing more than a large office building with people who, in addition to enjoying a special category, are dedicated to purely bureaucratic and bureaucratic nonsense and remuneration under unknown black financing, it is a gruyere cheese that serves the interests of other foreign agencies more than Argentine strategic interests.  I knew that many years before when the Falklands war ended, we were able to access several pieces of information thanks - not counting the assets of the MI6 payroll operating inside Congress - to the assets that SIDE had among the journalists of the main newspapers of the capital and lumpen that they had at hand.

So now, as if by magic, a network of "inorganic" (unofficial agents) is being dismantled, and along with the names of its main components, important figures in the nation's intelligence area appear to be involved, who now do not know how to shake off their responsibilities. This kind of 'intelligence' is typical of the MI5 boys, always ready for extortion and blackmail for some special operation commissioned by some bigwig in parliament or even the royal house.

But for Argentines this seems a matter of transcendence, as if it were a strategic issue for the country when in reality it is just another of those “dirty tricks operations” that the government uses in our neighbourhood to keep unruly subjects in check in places like Ireland or some troublesome London jumper. I'm not saying that MI6 doesn't do this crap, just that it runs it for very sophisticated purposes almost always linked to high diplomacy and on certain subjects.

I may have said it before, but saying it again won't do anything. Argentina lacks the intelligence for its state. If someone would dare to tell me that it is not visible because it is focused on foreign intelligence, I would ask myself: Really, where have all these visionaries been all these forty years?

I have bad news for you visionaries, AI can already do the work of an entire bureaucratic plant. The only thing it doesn't do is take cocaine and spend public money on parties and whores.

The lack of it is one of the determining factors in the deterioration of the other powers. Their system is rotten and now even the politicians can't get rid of it. Of course, this network of low-life pimps of "kirchnerismo" will be unravelled and will bring down every last one of those responsible for it.

This whole bunch of amateurs believed that "intelligence" was a private toy without taking it with the seriousness it always has and always will have. If there had actually been a political leadership in place to protect national interests, SIDE would have been able to detect and warn about the two gigantic explosions that took place in 1992 and 1994.